In the December edition of my monthly newsletter, I posed the question "I’d love to hear from the men on this one, but at least in my circle, why does it seem that the woman is the social, family, and child coordinator in the family?"  I heard back from three men, who basically agreed with me.  Are there any men out there who arrange the kids’ playdates, handle school arrangements, schedule with couple friends, or otherwise act as the family coordinator?  Women, does your husband help you with these tasks?

When I introduced my fiancée to my Aunt (34 years ago, we’ve married a long time ago) I mentioned that she was "quiet". My Aunt said, "There is only room for one mouth in a couple, and you are the one that talks, so it’s alright." In your situation, you may be the more social of the two.

But I think you would really enjoy reading what The FLYlady has to say. So, I refer you to www.flylady.com. Ask to read her emails for awhile, and you’ll find a resource for a variety of things.

Keep up the good work.

John Hawley, Montrose, PA

Because that’s your job!  I’m kidding but only sort of.  Hundreds of years of culture have engrained this "fact".  It’s in our DNA.  Men go to work and women take care of the home, which includes being responsible for the social arrangements, etc.  Another example…who organizes a wedding?  The mother of the bride of course.  The men just write the checks.  Ask anyone who has a daughter.  Also, how many times have you heard a husband say "I’ll have to check with the boss?"

If course I’m not saying this is this right.  It’s not even just.  But that pretty much is the way it is. You even alluded to one of the answers in your column when you stated that it helps if one person is the primary keeper of the schedule.  In our house it also works because my wife (a stay at home mom and wife) is the extrovert, I’m the introvert so it comes much more natural for her.  She even needs the social interaction more than I do.  Although I enjoy our outings and get-togethers, I would probably be just as happy with a good cigar (on the deck since I’m not allowed to smoke them in the house) and a glass of amber liquid.  Fortunately, this all works pretty well.  We’ve been married for 33 years and have two grandkids to dote over.

Thanks for a great column.  Enjoy your holidays.

Michael J Hammel, PMP

Laura:

Your question about why women are the social organizers in families is also interesting; the simple answer is that men and women are different. I once heard it said that if you and your spouse are exactly the same, then one of you is superfluous.  Other than this flippant answer, I really do not know, but will be interested in hearing what you find out from your clients.

Regards,

Jim Rairdon, DM, FLMI